Unanswered Prayers

Img70317For as long as I can remember, I’ve wanted to be a mom.  I dreamed of a little tribe of mini-me’s and all of the wonderful adventures we would have.  Holidays would be the best kind of chaos, family trips would create memories for a lifetime and our house would never have a dull moment.  So, when my husband and I found out I was pregnant after one short year of marriage (SURPRISE!!), I was thrilled that my dreams were coming true.  After a very healthy pregnancy and delivery, we were parents to the most beautiful little boy in the world!  William had arrived and just like that, we were a family of three!!

Chaos definitely ensued, parenthood was more than we imagined it to be and we were totally ready to keep growing our little family.  After a few years, with total confidence, we started planning for our next baby.  We carefully chose when we’d start trying and based on round one, we were sure it’d be just as easy.   I remember thinking, “this family planning stuff is a breeze!”

Well, round two did not go as planned.  In fact, after a year of doctor visits, we were shocked to learn, baby number two wasn’t actually going to happen.  Confirmed by every doctor and specialist in the state, I was not going to have another baby.  To say I was devastated is an enormous understatement. You know that type of sadness that literally hurts your heart and paralyzes you with depression?  That was me.  I was wrecked and deeply mourning the family I never had.  But lets not get into that.  That’s not what this blog is about.

So, after some time, my depression turned into anger.  Then, thankfully, my anger turned into motivation and that’s when I decided to get to work.  We actively researched and prayed about growing our family.  We explored our options, weighed the pros and cons, etc.  We were not going to give up on baby number 2.  So….we decided to adopt!!!   It was a whole new approach, but we were sure it was the right one!

After months and months of planning, meetings with lawyers, approvals, training, etc.,  it finally happened! Someone had picked us!!! I remember getting a note from a young woman telling me she had just had a beautiful baby boy and found our family profile on an adoption website.  She asked if we were interested in meeting and of course we cleared our calendar for whatever worked best for her.   She was kind, well-spoken, funny and full of love.  She had been through so much and still, was only worried about what was best for her baby.  I was so impressed with her selfless approach.  After a long conversation, I remember her letting me hold her baby for the first time and I immediately fell in love.  Like the first time I held William, it was a true, honest, unconditional love that happens so rarely in life. After spending quite some time together, James’ biological mom made what I can only imagine would be the most difficult decision of her life.  She asked us to be his forever family!
2013 holiday card james perf smile And just like that, there he was.  Baby number two.  He was more than we could have hoped for and the perfect person to complete our family.  James had finally arrived and we were a grateful, humbled, complete family of four.

There is SO much more to this story, but you get the point.  I purposefully kept many details out because, quite frankly, much of the story is just too sad.  And also, I want to protect our family’s privacy and the privacy of James’ biological family (who, by the way, are truly amazing.  We love them dearly and still have a wonderful relationship).  However, the reason I decided to share just enough of our story was because I know everyone has their own version of this story.  We all have that moment in life when our dreams are shattered or when depression gets the best of you.  Nobody is immune to heartache. So, I told my story to offer some hope, to whatever gets you down.  Because my darkest moments brought more love and joy than I could have ever dreamed of.  The adoption process reminded me to expect the best from others, not the worst.  James’ biological family proved that there are indeed incredible, selfless, loving people in this world.  And when I was on my knees begging God for a baby, convinced he was ignoring me, little did I know, sweet baby James was already in the works.  I am so thankful that my prayers to get pregnant and have another baby were never answered.  Had they been, our family would be missing a vital link.  James isn’t just another person, he’s the perfect person to complete our family.   It really is true
….some of God’s GREATEST gifts are unanswered prayers.


With hope, gratitude and love,


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8 thoughts on “Unanswered Prayers”

  1. Erin, thank you for sharing this. It is so well written and I was able to feel your journey. Blessing and a hug to you and your precious family.

    Celia in Los Angeles

  2. What a touching and beautiful story. You have two adorable sons. God Bless you and your family. Thank You so much for sharing . I so admire you, Erin.

  3. Beautiful! We pray and the Lord answers no, yes or not yet. His timing is perfect! Blessings to you and your perfect family!

  4. So touching and down to earth. As a mother who lost a daughter at 2 days old I was moved by your words and your feelings of “why me god”. I am delighted that you and your family now feel so complete, it is amazing how one small child can bring such pleasure and an a feeling of “hope”

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